Jimmy Jester here. Ring the bells that still can ring. There is a crack, a crack, in everything. Be quiet. They watch you from inside out. Dry skin? Washington Red skin? Punt! Punt! Here come the virile bastards with their atomic syringes! The neighbors toaster has died of liver cancer. All appliances will be at the funeral. Your robovacuum is in love with a bodhran. This just in, researchers at Saginaw Valley State University discovered today that Cesspool Alleles are a form of ancient virus. Murder can be spread by sneezing. The police have arrested your vacuum cleaner for downloading dirty pictures. Excuse me. That's my napkin. Give it back or I'll drop the S-bomb on Cleveland. For the next ten seconds you will be looking out the eyes of a Nazi sympathizer named Hans. Attention! Attention! Blood pressure dangerously low! There is a crack, a crack, in everything!

It's been two weeks since these Mann Spectacles were bio-welded to my brain. I woke up this morning, Tim, and guess what? I know all about optometry. I have seen the vision system inside and from without. I learned it all. It took two weeks, just like the ad said; and I never studied a damn thing.

This morning I got my optometric diploma through the Mann Lenses. I am now an eye doctor and have been elevated in rank to Royal Captain of the Sumerian Nano-Rifles. These Mann Spectacles have opened up unused spaces in my brain. Encyclopedias, medical journals, and old Pottery Barn catalogs are being nano-flashed into my storage banks continually- it goes on day and night. Madeleine Gofigure is starting to look attractive.

Tuesday already! Fuck, I didn't study for the test. I didn't do my lab report! My homework has been stolen! It's not fair!

"Good morning, class. I'll be substituting for Dr. Plutus this morning. He has caught the nanoflu and is throwing up Intell Chips. I know he would rather be here, helping with your rehabilitation. Okay then, please pass your homework forward."

Ape sounds from the peanut gallery.

"None of you did your homework!"

"Sydney said Poppy."

"Tell me Mr. Ishmael how it is that only you can hear Sydney. None of the rest of us have ever heard a word come out of his damaged mouth."

"Who brought the snacks?"

"Never mind the snacks, Charles.

"Gordon drooled on my homework."

"Don't give me that crap, Marvin. None of you do anything from week to week except get into trouble. Would it kill you to do your homework? No, it won't. I'm really saddened by your lack of self caring. Anyway, I....... Mr. Ishmael. You are disgusting. Get out from under my chair."